As a gay Igbo man hailing from Njikoka Local Government Area of Anambra State, I have witnessed first-hand how the notion that “blood is thicker than water” often falters in the face of societal expectations and prejudice. This saying suggests that family ties are the strongest and most unconditional. But the truth is painfully different for me, and for many others in the LGBTQIA+ community.
The Reality of Family Rejection
Once my sexuality became known, my relationship with my family began to unravel. My brothers, who used to be close to me, now don’t care about me because of who I am. My sister-in-law has taken it upon herself to search every Nigerian blog for my videos and forward them to my sister. She feeds her hate against me. These actions are not about love or concern, but about perpetuating stigma and shame on me for daring to live my truth.
Then, the family WhatsApp group message arrived. It wasn’t about celebrating who I am or helping me. It was about saving me from myself. There was condescension and ignorance in the message:
“Please I’m surprised at what my eyes and ears are sighting. Our own brother? It is not real. Please my brothers and sisters, do not keep quiet. What do we do to help him? It is not normal. Something is wrong somewhere.”
Instead of asking how I was doing or what they could do to support me, their focus was on ‘rescuing’ me, as though being gay was something I needed to be saved from. For years, these are the same people who have never asked me how I was surviving, living, or thriving. Suddenly, my sexuality becomes a rallying point for their concern—not for me as a person, but for what they perceive as a stain on their family’s image.
Blood Means Nothing Without Support
“Blood is thicker than water” has always been used to guilt people into putting family first, even if that family is toxic, mean, or abusive. True family is not about blood, but about love, respect, and support. In my case, strangers and friends have shown me more love than the people who share my last name or ancestry.
If the thickness of blood were truly greater than that of water, my family would have stood by me. My courage to live authentically in a society that constantly tells me I am wrong would have been celebrated by them. They would have provided me with their support as I faced rejection, judgment, and even threats from the public. Instead, they have chosen to add to that burden by ostracizing me and weaponizing my sexuality as a family disgrace.
The Hypocrisy of Family Loyalty
The hypocrisy makes this worse, even more so. These same family members who never cared about my well-being until they found out I was gay are now showing concern under the name of “saving me.” Where were they when I needed help? Where was this energy when I was trying to figure out my place in the world? Their sudden loyalty is not about me, but about how my existence challenges their beliefs.
Finding My True Family
Family doesn’t have to be related by blood to be family. My true family has been those who have stood by me, accepted me without condition, and celebrated who I am. These individuals are friends, allies, and even strangers who acknowledge my humanity and perceive me for whom I truly am—not as a project to be fixed or a burden to be carried.
Moving Forward
Anyone who has felt the sting of family rejection, please know that you are not alone. Blood may not always be thicker than water, but love, understanding, and kindness are the ties that bind us. You should choose a family that uplifts you, accepts you, and shows you unconditional love.
To my family: I do not need to be saved. I am not a problem to be solved. I am living my truth, and if that proves too much for you to handle, it may be time to examine your own hearts instead of pointing fingers at me.
Living authentically is my greatest victory, and no amount of judgment or rejection will take it away.
